Truthfully, the critic is probably a closet X-Phile, acting out because they, themselves, spent the majority of their Friday nights dateless; motivated only by loneliness, boredom and (note the significant lack of an or) delusions of grandeur. [Sound cruel? Read page 2.]
However, now a "successful" writer for an on-line site, they are terribly afraid someone will sniff out their deep, dark, and dare I say it: almost X-File-ish secret, and so, believe it necessary that they initiate yet another fiendishly meticulous conspiracy.
Yeah, little Miss Movie Critic, I've got your number, and it rings sad and forsaken in the office once used by the FBI's Most Unwanted. *laughs all-too-knowingly*
Your Forgotten Friend