I am nigh overcome with the urge to either play Super Mario Brothers or Kill Them All. I cannot decide. :)
Looking a month ahead on the calendar one of the technicians asked/stated, “We’re off on Thanksgiving?”
“Yes,” I told her.
“When is that?” she asked.
“The 24th,” I answered.
“No,” she clarified, “I mean, which day of the week is that?”
I paused, “…Thursday.”
“Eh!” she complained, “Why’d it have to be Thursday? I like it better when holidays fall on a Friday, or even a Monday. Brother.”
“But,” I hedged. To be honest I wasn’t entirely sure if she was trying to confuse me or really just painfully confused herself, “Its Thanksgiving!”
“Well, yeah,” she concurred, if somewhat questioningly.
“It’s always on Thursday.”
“What?” she asked, a jangling sort of high pitched question.
“It’s always on Thursday,” I repeated, carefully, calmly, but perhaps most importantly--slowly.
This time she paused before demanding, “What in the world are you talking about?”
“Thanksgiving,” I answered shortly, taking a slow, deep breath before daring to insist, “It’s always on Thursday.”
“That’s not possible,” she informed me, taking all too kind of a tone, “Just because the 24th lands on a Thursday this year doesn’t mean that it did last year or will next year.”
I took yet another deep breath, determined not to kill anyone in a place so overpopulated with witnesses, “Thanksgiving isn’t November 24th,” I informed her just as kindly as she had just previously informed me. So kindly in fact, that a sharper eyed (or eared) person may have seen sweet honey dripping from my very words.
“How can you say that?” she asked, “You’re the one that just said it was on the 24th!”
Okay, so she had me there. I had, only moments before, told her that Thanksgiving was the 24th of November, but, damn it, that was this year and that was Thursday!
“Yes!” I told her, nigh breathless with exhaustion from all the deep breathing I was having to do to mantain any semblance what so ever of sanity, “But that is this year and only because the 24th is the last Thursday in November!”
She shook her head with a sad sort of sigh before pronouncing with as much respect as I’m sure she felt she could muster, “I think that you are confused.”
There’s not a jury in this whole damn country that could convict me.
Unless, of course, it was made up of her peers, in which case, I would most certianly be doomed.
*cries* May god have some small mercy on my tattered soul...