Jamalyn (jamalyn) wrote,

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Trust and Misgivings

I met an interesting woman today. Interesting because while I believed her to honestly be very nice I also found myself fearing the idea of willingly giving her any sort of power.

That’s a first for me. Sure, I’ve met people I believe to be nice or people I didn’t particularly trust before, but this is the first time I’ve met anyone who managed to embody both at the same time. I was at a lost as to which instinct to trust.


Things have not been going particularly well with C----, not that this is too terribly shocking. I do not handle other people inserting themselves into my life (either with or without my permission) especially well.

I hate it.

I hate being told what to do. I hate pretending I don’t mind things when I most certainly do. I hate rearranging my schedule and my life to better suit someone else. I hate agreeing with something just because I haven’t got the energy to fight for what I want.

I hate being treated like that.

In the end, it’s my own selfishness that gets in the way. I make for a very poorly turned-out woman, unwilling to give when I should be more than agreeable. I have my life and I’m not too keen on changing it for anyone.


I have always hoped that it is enough to know that I am in the wrong; that I can use that knowledge to do what it is that I should do, to behave as I should behave.

But it never seems to work out that way.
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