Jamalyn (jamalyn) wrote,

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He LOVES me ... not.

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
~Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000), Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."
~Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), "On Reading and Writing"

I have come to a startling conclusion.

I love Touya Akira.

No, not the passing, fangirlish, giggly love I often express for any number of other fictional characters, but rather the pained heart, never fail to recognize their voice, catch yourself mid-sigh love heretofore reserved for Fox William Mulder and Ichijouji Ken.

Just for the record, I do realize that these are all fictional characters. But, I must insist, each has taken on a deeper, fuller, more human side, even if it cannot be substantiated by their respective series/known fandoms.

In many ways they are real (for me, anyway). I hurt, mentally and physically for Akira-kun when Ogata defeats him (in the HnG New Year’s Special). When Ogata then turns and attacks, I catch myself trying to mentally will Akira comfort, wishing that I were there, if silent, if only to lay a hand on his arm.

Silly, no?

But as I said, somehow he seems more real, solid. :)

It’s an interesting development, if only from a fanfiction angle. I enjoy many fandoms. But I write for only one. Digimon. Back when I still had my X-Files, I wrote for them as well. I’ve since managed to put Mulder behind me (mostly) and frighteningly, feel Ken beginning to slip away.

I’ve spent untold hours staring at my Digimon wall (I really don’t have a life), thinking about that, wondering when or if Ken should disappear from my focus, would my will to write Digimon fanfiction follow suit? Goodness knows Ken plays a central role in everything I’ve ever done. If that desire to see him in a different situation vanishes…

And, to peer at the other side of the equation, does this mean little Akira-faced plot bunnies may soon be hippity-hopping in my direction? (Not that I would have any more of a chance to write them than I do any of the other fanfiction ideas slowly turning to fetid fanfiction sludge in my head).

That idea makes me rather excited. :)

After all, the world always needs more Wicked!Ogata/Akira. No?

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