Anyway, for those keeping track of the random members of my life that keep flitting in and out of this journal, Nancy has heretofore been referred to as N----, but when I told her that I had, upon occasion, mentioned her she demanded that my secrecy come to an immediate halt. (“Oh, you must refer to me by name! I mean, how many 100’s of other Nancy’s out there are there? I’m sure its safe.”)
So far I have managed to avoid the URL question, once by a ringing phone and a second time by nearly dropping Shindo as I was moving him from his tank to the little clear plastic cup he sits in while I soap out said tank. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I’ve done my best to keep everyone real as far away from here as is humanly possible only to slip up and shoot myself in the foot with a random comment.
But one question that came up during our little discussion was if it was better to do just one shots or one shots and chaptered fics. (I suppose it is not correct to do just chaptered fics). ;)
Personally, I told her, I prefer one shots to chaptered fics, but only when writing, not when reading. In reading, I went on to explain, it depended on the type of fic as to whether or not I favored one shots.
“So you only write one shots?” she asked.
“No…” I answered carefully, “I just prefer to write them. They can be more difficult,” I admitted, “But, they’re less stressful. Once you’ve posted, its finished.”
I didn’t get into the deeper aspects of what do you do when you find a mistake, repost or ignore, as I myself am horrible about adding silent e’s to anything and everything and too lazy to do anything about it other than ignore. :)
“Are you working on anything now?” she further inquired.
“I haven’t anything half published,” I skirted, “It’s a nice feeling.”
“So,” she pressed, “You could die right now and you’d be happy.”
She actually managed to completely blindside me with that one.
After giving the question ample thought, I slowly admitted, “Well, if I were to only consider fan fiction and nothing else in life, then,” I had to pause to really think some more, “No.”
It may seem like a pointless story, but it’s not. The point is simple: For the first time in a very long time I realized that I still really, really want to be writing fan fiction, (not that I was just doing it to finish what I’ve started or because people expect me to). That, regardless of the fact that I could walk away from each of my fandoms without so much as a single person complaining that I’d left them hanging, I don’t want to.
It’s a good feeling, but slightly frightening.
It makes me want to write.
It hurts me that I can’t.