May 25th, 2020

cheeze HnG

It's already May!?!?

Okay, so a lot has been going on. More than I have the energy to really get into at the moment (or maybe even ever) so I'm not going to bother even trying. Suffice it to say that I find myself in a place where I feel like life isn't moving (forwards, backwards, sided-to-side). Or maybe that life is moving, but I'm somehow stuck, unable to move with it and starting to worry that I'll find myself left behind.

The planner in me just wants to be able to make a plan but I feel like I can't because I'm stuck, standing at a crossroads, waiting to find out if I'm supposed to turn left or right and damn it if the people directing traffic don't have me waiting what seems like forever for them to make up their painfully opaque minds. I can't move forward with getting ready for A on the chance that they'll decide B. I can't start the ball rolling on B because they may still decide A. I don't even care what the decision is at this point. I just want a decision. Full stop.

Anyway, as you can probably imagine if you know anything about me, this all has me feeling less than happy. First clue was when I realized the other day that I haven't really stitched since this all started. Stitching is usually my go-to mood stabilizer, but I can't quite seem to work up the energy to even bother. Thankfully, I had a strong incentive to actually get something pulled together: my sister's birthday present. It gave me a good excuse to pull something together--even if it was a small something. And while I stole the general idea from a fellow instagram cross stitcher, the design is all my own:


Technically it's a pin cushion. But since she doesn't sew/stitch, I guess for her it can be a pillow for a doll sized couch or chair. I had hoped that completing it might somehow brighten me up, make me feel better, but somehow, it just seems to have driven home how crappy I really feel right now and how much I really need life to start moving again. Wish me luck.