Jamalyn (jamalyn) wrote,

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So I've been going through all my old LJ posts, tagging the fanfiction, cross-stitching and quilts so that I can find them easier.

And, while I can fully acknowledge how terribly, utterly, creepy this is: it has been a hoot.

I've been on LJ for 14 years now. I don't even remember most of this stuff. And yet, somehow, it has managed to make me feel more loneliness in the last three hours than I have in the last three years.

I guess, more than anything, it has made me remember that there once was a time when I lived in a very tiny apartment in a very large city. A large enough city that I had a chance to surround myself with a group of similarly snarky and sarcastic cohorts who brought me true, genuine joy.

All these people still (physically) exist but not one of us are who were were then. There's only one I regularly talk with anymore and I'd be lying if I implied our relationship was even remotely what it once was.

Part of me is grateful for having this small sliver of remembrance of what was. It is truly interesting to see myself evolve over five, then ten and then nearly 15 years into the person I am today.

And while, I can admit to missing the 24 year old me and some of what she had going on, I can't say I'd be willing to give up the me of today, even if she is so very different from the me of then.

It's true though: youth really is wasted on the young. *smiles* I wish I had known then how just much fun I was having (because, in the name of total honesty, I do remember that it wasn't always fun and games--though that stuff rarely made the LJ--there were also some pretty dark lows, buffered, sadly, thankfully, by some of the people and places I've already started to forget) and how much those experiences and, yes, even those people would inform the more even keeled and anti-social person I am today.

C'est la vie, or so I feel I should feel.

No matter. I'll kiss a kitty (or two or four) and maybe even call up an old friend and see if I can't shatter a little of their hard won dignity-born-of-age by reminding them just what utter prats we once were.

(And maybe, if we're lucky, might still kind of be). *grins*

It also makes me remember when this was funny:


Okay... so I have to admit, it still made me laugh, but it was less of a hehe laugh and, and more of a "yeah it looks like a major political party really is going to nominate Donald J. Trump to be their candidate for president"-haha-awww kind of sigh.

I guess real life megalomaniacs just aren't as much fun as the pretend ones. Who'd a thunk?

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