Jamalyn (jamalyn) wrote,


Actively Dying is my favorite of all my fan-fictions.

I know it is generally considered creepy to like your own work, or, if you are going to insist on being like that, then you should, at least, pretend to love them all the same.

But no.

Truth is, I hate probably a 1/3 of the fan-fiction I've published. (Published, not written. If we look at written, it would be closer to 4/5th's). Out of the remaining two thirds of published work, I think most of it is pretty okay. I have a special fondness for most of Absolutions and a scene or two of Winter's Holiday.

But I really love Actively Dying. Like, found myself not wanting to share it, love. Like, not really ever allowing myself to truly consider it finished, love. Like, continually fighting the urge, since I've decided to share it, to put it up on fanfiction.net in its entirety, censorship be damned, in the half-hopes it will be removed and it can be all mine again, love. I don't know why except to say that that is my story, my Daisuke, my Ken, and even my Takeru (though he doesn't show up for much of the story) and I'm just greedy like that.

But anyway, all that is neither here or there. What I really wanted to say is this: I really like these two songs.

Somehow, they've both become associated with Actively Dying for me. For me, these songs are that fic. When I hear them, I want to write on it. When I write on it, I want to hear them. While I don't consider Actively Dying a songfic, I know, without a doubt that Actively Dying wouldn't be the same fic it is today if I had never heard them.

It is strange, forever having something you consider so very yours tied so tightly to something that never will be.

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