Friend: So did you see this month’s newsletter?
Me: No, I never read those.
Friend: They spelt my name wrong. Why have they never been able to spell my name right?
Me: I don’t know.
Friend: You never know anything.
Me: I know.
Friend: ... ... ... Did you see the article about Dr. Ordonez?
Me: I don’t read the newsletter.
Friend: Well anyway, it was a nice article. Did you know that her husband was a black belt?
Friend: He is. She has two ki—MORTIMER!! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT! MORTIMER!! I got to go. *click*
Me: ... ... ...
Mortimer is a FISH.
Why do I know these people?!