Jamalyn (jamalyn) wrote,
Jamalyn
jamalyn

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I feel pretty, oh, so pretty...

I was emptying my bag this morning when I heard Simon from my office door, “God, you’re cute.” Of course, far be it from Simon to complement anyone with out following it up with an insult, “Why aren’t you at home taking care of someone’s babies?”

He says these things because he knows that they annoy me.

I responded, “Are you saying that a woman can’t be pretty and intelligent; that only ugly women should have to work?”

He smiled, and then I knew: I had walked right into his trap. Damn him to hell. Smart my ass.

“I never said you were pretty,” he deadpanned, “I said cute. As in: ‘I love fluffy bunnies and puppies and kitties and unicorns!’ cute.” He even managed a girly squeal at the end before adding, “You didn’t think you were pretty? Did you?”

I, of course, was not amused, kicking the doorstop out from under the door so that it would slam shut in his face. Unfortunately, even a shut door could not block out the sound of his laughter.

When I finally emerged more than a full hour later from the cocoon of my office, I found a wilted marigold from the flowerbed out front to which someone had tied a note that read: “I’m sorry you’re not pretty.”


I hate him.

I do.

But somehow, I can’t imagine work without him. :)



~*~



I don’t chew gum. Mai chews gum. She’s asked me a hundred times over if I would either (1) like a piece of gum or if I (2) have a piece a gum.

Every time I answer (1) no, thank you or (2) no, ladies do not chew gum. (This is not to imply that I am particularly strict in following the lady-like rules of decorum with which I was raised. Actually, I can be quite un-lady-like when the mood suits me. I once Chinese Yo-Yo’ed a guy in the nose. I won’t even mention the water snake incident).

Still, it gets old, and my patience can only go so far, so when I saw a nifty little contraption at a gag store that looked (if you squinted and turned your head 90 degrees to the left) like a package of gum but that (and here goes the un-lady-like part) snapped out a plastic cockroach when a stick was pulled, I had to buy it.

And so I did. I purchased the toy and put it in my purse.

AnhMai had already asked for gum three different times when I finally remembered the gag before I told her I didn’t have any to offer, but, thankfully, I finally managed to catch my own tongue in time this afternoon, casually offering up the package, careful not to reveal too much as that would definitely give it away as a fake. She reached for the “stick of gum” sticking out from the package and pulled, causing the cock roach to jump out.

She screamed.

No, really screamed.

I have never heard AnhMai scream.




Yell, yes, whoop, yes, titter in glee, once, but never, ever, ever had I heard her scream.

Not until today anyway.




All told, I am lucky to have gotten away with my life.


But I do not think that she’ll be asking for a piece of gum from me (or anyone else for that matter) for a long, long time.
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