Jamalyn (jamalyn) wrote,
Jamalyn
jamalyn

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Wow! A post with words!

antiquepeanut mentioned starting a blog (and then stopping before actually writing anything--come on!) on facebook the other night and it really got me thinking about livejournal. It got me looking at her old account on livejournal and that had me backtracking to my old account on livejournal. I used to post so much more, for lack of a better word, “ME”. ME has almost disappeared from livejournal. And I know why. It is no secret.

Facebook.

Oh, I know its cliché to blame facebook for all that is wrong in your life/the world. It’s almost cool to, ironically enough, go on facebook and swear off the platform for a week, a month, forever. Far be it from me to be that cool. *winks* Still, all this thinking about livejournal got me thinking about facebook and I've come to the conclusion that I just don’t like it. Facebook leaves me feeling *too* connected. Facebook gives you windows into the lives of others you might otherwise have only known in passing. School friends, members of your extended family, people you “liked” but who you never really knew. And, I've decided, that not really knowing was a good thing. Most relationships don’t survive becoming deeper. I have an old bit of a scrapped Yamato/Daisuke fic where Yamato describes being unable to love Taichi precisely because he knows him too well. I wrote that years before facebook had even popped up on my radar, and yet, still failed to take note of what my own brain already knew.

The truth is, the vast majority of our friendships/relationships rely on us not really knowing the other person too well. It seems so counter-intuitive that I almost want to deny it even now, but then I think of the old pharmacy school friend who facebook has outed as a staunchly right wing rhetoric spewing hater of the less fortunate. Or the old college friends, who, instead of us slowly growing apart and losing touch, I have gotten to watch turn into phony, religious, status grabbers who think that they have the right to define how others should live and, sadly, work endlessly to perpetuate the mirage that they've always been who they claim to be today.

I can only imagine what they think of me. Crazy cat lady libtard comes to mind. :) But it is probably much worse.

Of course, knowing all of this hasn't stopped me from checking facebook twice already this morning.

And that’s the odd part. It is entirely possible to dislike something and yet, continually submerse yourself in it. Just like it is entirely possible to like something and leave it to wither on the vine. (I’m talking about you, livejournal). There are many things that are fundamentally odd about humans, this but one.

Still. I think that it is time for me to take a stand. And in taking my stand, let the tides of modernity wash past me. No, I’m not deleting my facebook account. But I am going to try to stop checking it so often. Facebook is no longer one of the tabs that open when I first fire up my browser. And, maybe, one day, I’ll find I’m not checking it much, if at all anymore. That would probably be for the best. The hardest part will be overcoming my own arrogance. See, I, too, like to see how many likes something I said received. I, too, want to know who commented on my status update. Facebook isn't “bad”. It just taps into the ugliest parts of us, into the parts that crave acknowledgement.

But maybe, just maybe, true happiness comes from overcoming the need for outside acknowledgement.

Hmmm, maybe I should post that to facebook. *grins*
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